Can you be unconditionally Joyous?

Questions asked on Wisdom.com

As the Bring the Joy Girl, I would love to say a wholehearted YES!

But I don’t know if unconditionally joyous is truly possible as there are many horrific things that happen to people.

But I do believe that WE decide how to feel about what happens to us.

With this in mind, and with awareness of our thoughts and feelings we can choose to understand that what happens is not always within our control. I believe that knowing that releases us from the feelings of responsibility that can make use feel worse about a situation than we need to. I know from speaking with friends who have experienced some horrific things in their lives that they take on blame and shame for these events.

But what I have learned is……..

· Most external situations are not personal.

· Most of how people act towards us is not even personal.

I remember attending a book launch a few years ago and the author was asking the crowd how often they think people are thinking about them or paying any attention to them… and of course most of the crowd thought it happened a lot. We truly believe that people are always watching and judging us.

However, what the Author said was that the answer is actually ZERO!

No one is thinking about anyone but themselves…. All the time!

We are very self-centered in our nature.

As an NLP practitioner, I believe that every behavior has s positive intention. This is one of the NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) presuppositions or beliefs that we choose to take on. By accepting these as truths it makes life simpler and provides clarity. I am not suggesting that you also adopt these are your truths, just hear me out. Allow yourself even a brief moment to see how it feels for you. You may find you like it.

When I say that “Every behavior has a positive intention” I know this is typically a tough pill for most to swallow.

So, what this means is that we all experienced events in our childhood (typically from 0–6 years old) where we unconsciously made a “key decision” about how to stay safe and secure. This decision sticks with us into adulthood like a program that has been downloaded into us and it runs on autopilot whenever we are faced with a situation that even remotely resembles the original event.

This may seem like a great thing to have, we don’t even have to think about what to do, we just act in a way that protects us. However…….. the need to feel protected in the same was that we needed as a child my no longer be relevant. As adults we have better instincts and better problem-solving skills. In fact, it might even be detrimental to us now.

And this is where the NLP belief I mentioned above comes into play.

Because you now understand the programming that is going on in the background for all of us, you will also be able to appreciate that with that in mind, it explains why I say that every behavior has a positive intention.

When someone reacts to a situation, or a conversation with you or rather a miscommunication with you in a way that seems offensive or selfish or over reacting, or any other way that does not serve you, you can remind yourself that they are in autopilot reacting the way they felt they needed to as a 3 year old to stay safe.

I know it seems kind of hard to believe but unless that person has done a lot of deep work to reprogram their thoughts and reactions, then this is what is still happening. And guess what… its happening to you too.

In fact, if you were to think about some of the times that you may have reacted in a way that was not appreciated by someone else, ask yourself… were you trying to harm them, or hurt their feelings?

I’m gonna guess the answer is NO! You were just protecting your view, or your perspective or your personal sense of autonomy or safety.

So now let’s double back to the original question…. Can you be unconditionally Joyous?

I say NO, but you certainly can be a lot more joyous that you are now!

Knowing what I just shared that NO ONE is watching you or judging you or intentionally trying to harm you by their actions should make it much easier to navigate the world. When we can stop taking everything so personally life feels much lighter and that seems like a perfect start to feeling more JOY!

To uncover what truly brings you JOY, reach out to justagirllikemecoaching@gmail.com and book a 30 min discover your JOY session.

Jessica Coulthard

Bring the Joy Girl

Just a Girl Like Me Coaching